I've got a full plate right now and it feels like I'm being pulled in a million different directions. As I asked God for guidance, a question came to me. What do you need right now? On the 28th, I will start my training to become certified as a Peer Recovery Coach. I will be able to help others who are dealing with many challenges that they will encounter during recovery. I will provide them with resources and skills to help them be successful in their efforts. A lot of recovery deals with issues of past trauma. A person can easily become overwhelmed and relapse because they need comfort and understanding. Family members are often supportive, yet cautious with us in recovery. The dynamic of walking on egg shells is difficult for all until trust is regained. Not an easy process. My family, especially my husband, seemed to be resistant when I established some boundaries in our relationship. After seven years of being sober, it's still difficult at times. As I anticipate becoming a peer recovery coach, the question, “what do you need right now?” plays in my mind.
I remember the first time I went into treatment. I was filled with shame. Admittedly, I had become an alcoholic, something I swore I would never do. I felt defeated, angry, and hopeless. No one understood the depth of my pain. I had become a victim of life. I was angry at the world and angry at God. I taunted God with rage and spewed words like venom. I wasn't prepared for his response. “What do you need, my child?”
In that instant I realized what I needed was God. I felt a nudge on my leg from my dog in Rainy. As I petted her, my heart softened immediately and I grew quiet. God reminded me that He was with me always.
At that moment, something inside me clicked. I needed to love myself as I loved my friends.I had to be my best friend. I had to nurture the wounded child inside of me that I had been carrying my entire life. So I thought about things a little more. I thought about the best friends that I had through the years. Those friends who are no longer with me for various reasons. Those friends who departed when my health issues arrived and when I became sober. I longed for friendships and something to fill the void inside of myself. God had gifted me with my dogs to fill that void.
Today, my best friends are my dogs. They have been with me during this process. DOG is an anagram for God. I don't think that's a coincidence. When I'm at my lowest, my dogs are always right nearby, providing me comfort and reassuring me that everything's gonna be OK. To me, my dogs are a daily reminder of God's love for each of us. So I will recommend to my future clients to grab their dog and take a walk. Tell them their secrets and innermost feelings. As if God was right there by their side. Dogs are a gift from God to provide us comfort and to be a reminder of his love. They are there for us in a physical reality that God cannot be in with us.
That is my revelation from my morning mediation. I am grateful that you took the time to read my perspective as I navigate through life.
Who do you lean on in difficult times? How do you deal with adversity? Drop me a line and let me know. Namaste.
Category: Inspired
Check Those Beliefs
A few years ago, I was part of an online program called The Water We Swim In. It was designed to help people realize how their beliefs affect their life. Our beliefs are formed from our earliest interactions in life. Our parents, teachers and friends all contribute to what we believe in. Society creates rules that we accept and live by. We believe the government works to keep us safe and healthy, but does it actually? We believe that doctors take an oath to do no harm, and that protects us, but does it? People are sicker than ever and dying at an alarming rate. Anymore I question my beliefs constantly.
I have discovered that most people hold tightly to their beliefs. No amount of explaining a different perspective will change their minds. They will not budge. Often they are some of the most unhappy people I know. I say this because I was one of them. I thought I knew right from wrong. Good from evil. That I could tell the difference, but I can now admit I knew nothing. I believed the things I heard or read from the news. I was sure they couldn’t lie on TV. I was wrong. The news is owned by wealthy, greedy corporations that have an agenda. Lesson learned: I turned off the news and researched things for myself. God gave me a brain and free will. I intend to use it. Having severe trust issues, I pray for discernment so that I am not misled.
My eyes have been opened, however most people's eyes aren’t. The majority of folks have no reason to check their beliefs and zero desire to change. Change is difficult and requires hard work and dedication. It’s easier to just stay with what is familiar. That’s why I am writing about this.
During my spiritual awakening, I began to see through the veil, cut through the BS that was all around me. I am able to see a side to humanity that I find rather disturbing. The term spiritual awakening may sound woo-woo to some but it is real. I speak about my struggles with mental illness and addiction to try and reduce the stigma. However, I have had some people think that I am literally crazy. They have tried gaslighting me and my memories. They downplay the intense and difficult work that I have done. They believe that because they don’t have a mental health diagnosis that they are superior to me. That it makes me delusional and unstable. A mistake on their part, but I do not press my beliefs onto them. I used to defend myself and my beliefs, but I don’t any longer. I realize that I can’t make them understand my point of view. They refuse to even try.
My advice to those who might want it, is to stay curious. Ask yourself how and why things are the way they are. What could make things better? Is this belief true today? Then research and see what you find. You might be surprised, I know I was lied to about a lot of things. I am more open minded now and have more confidence in myself because I’ve done the work. I question everything today.
It’s kind of sad that it is this way, but I am glad that I am learning new things. The biggest lesson that I’ve learned is that I have lots to learn. This time I have an eager heart that desperately wants to understand how we can make our journey here a better experience for all. I want to help others who want to do better in their own lives. I would love to bring people together in unity instead of division. So I guess if that makes me woo-woo I will own it!!
Goodbye negativity, fear, and naivety. Hello beautiful souls! Let's heal together and recreate everything we thought we were. Let's become who we were meant to be. No more excuses. No projecting our unhealed wounds onto others. Take the chance and believe in yourself. Let go of the labels, diagnoses and beliefs that are holding you back! There's no time like the present. What do you say? What's your beliefs about yourself? Are they true?
Drop me a note in the comments. I'd love to hear your story. Namaste.
Reached Another Milestone
Tomorrow my husband and I will celebrate 30 years of marriage. When I think back to that day, I am filled with pride. Bryon and I were together for over 3 years when I got pregnant. He proposed while we were fishing on the Chippewa Flowage. I was 8 months pregnant. The following weekend our friends had planned a couples baby shower. We returned home and contacted a local justice of the peace to marry us at the baby shower. In four days we pulled off a lovely wedding ceremony on our friends flagstone patio, overlooking a lush valley below. Another friend flew his plane over the event and dumped confetti on us below. It was perfect, but noticeably absent was my family.
I was very emotional at 8 months pregnant and cried during the entire ceremony.The justice of the peace provided the music complete with The Rose by Bette Midler, on his boom box.When the music started so did the tears. My tears did not go unnoticed either. My mother in law approached me afterward saying that if I was so upset by the wedding, that I shouldn’t have gone through with it. She failed to understand that while this was a beautiful wedding, it wasn’t what I had dreamed about for my entire life. While I loved Bryon deeply, I carried a secret sadness about this last minute ceremony. My dream wedding, complete with wedding dress and dad giving me away was not meant to be. My parents refused to attend. I offered to pay for their flight, but they still declined.
My heart shattered. My mother felt that Bryon, as a mechanic, wasn't up to her high standards that she held for me. She was more interested in his bank account, than in him as a person. I married him for love and not for money. I made the right decision and I knew it back then. Many years later she got to know him and fell in love with who he is as a person.I got my validation when she told me prior to her death that he was a real gem and she was wrong about him. I no longer needed or cared what she thought but it was good to hear.
In these past thirty years, we have dealt with numerous struggles and changes. We have dealt with the struggles of raising a child with special needs. I have dealt with mental health and addiction struggles. I have overcome serious health issues while Bryon dutifully stayed by my side. I survived a cardiac arrest thanks to his quick action when he found me dead on the bathroom floor. We have grieved the loss of many people that we loved dearly due to death or other reasons. We have grieved the plans we had for our future and our family because of things beyond our control. We have supported each other through various stages of life. Through it all we remained committed to the vows taken 30 years ago.
Now we enter a new stage and we are contemplating what comes next for us. Do we still remain committed to each other today after enduring everything?
I want to believe that we will be together forever, but life throws us curve balls that make us question our beliefs. I realize it’s easy to become complacent when in a long-term relationship. I want us to rediscover each other while we experience our next chapter. I want us to have an adventurous yet satisfying life.
I feel like I am just beginning to live the life of my dreams. I need to play this through and see where it leads. I would love to have him by my side, but only if it’s what he truly wants to be a part of it.
I realize that marriage takes two people to make it work. I am not the same person that Bryon married 30 years ago. I am completely different. I worked VERY hard to change and become who I am today. I finally am beginning to love and believe in myself. Bryon hasn’t changed. In fact, Bryon is generally resistant to change. He is proud that he doesn’t have a cell phone and sees no reason to change.
This is not the fairy tale marriage that I imagined it would be. I guess I saw too many Disney movies as a kid. I always believed that love could conquer all. Truthfully it is a work in progress to adapt to our new reality of the new version of me.
Today I am a strong, ambitious woman who wants to bring about change in mental health and addiction treatment. Bryon is a stable, reliable, hard worker who’s ready to step into retirement. Two people who are growing in different directions after 30 years together. Not what you were expecting, is it? And this was not what we expected either.
As we enter this next chapter we must figure out where to go from here. It will include having some tough conversations. Sharing our vulnerabilities and brutal honesty from one another. We have survived things that would have ended other marriages. We both love one another deeply. We have built a strong foundation to pull from. I believe God brought us together for a reason and not just a season.
My faith leads me to believe that things will work out as they should. I thank God for these 30 years. Bryon is my hero. He is the reason I am still here today. I thank my husband for his patience, loyalty and everything he has done for our family. I am proud to be Mrs. Ehlert and excited to see what the next 30 years will bring. I am ready for our next chapter however it plays out.
What are your tips for a successful relationship? How do you deal with change? Drop me a line, I would love to hear your perspective. Namaste.
Open Arms
Good morning world! Today holds a special meaning as I am celebrating 7 years of sobriety from alcohol. It’s quite a milestone for me. I am proud of myself for how far I have come. I am also proud of my relationship with God. As I slid into my hot tub for my morning soak and gratitude practice, I thanked the universe for my life today. The warm water engulfed my stiff body like a warm hug. I imagined Jesus wrapping his arms around me and giving me comfort. A reminder of his love for me. I couldn’t have made it to 7 years without His love and guidance.
When I think of my life 7 years ago, I think of the sad and lonely person I had become. I yearned for connection from someone who truly understood what I was dealing with. My friends all but abandoned me. My family didn’t understand or know how to help me. Then Jesus entered the picture. I was broken and lost. My parents, grandmother and sister were gone forever. I felt orphaned. Overwhelming grief and sadness left me wanting to die so that I could be with them. God had other plans. It was not my time.
Today I hardly remember that sad and lonely person. Jesus has brought new people into my world. He has reminded me of what it feels like to live with purpose and servitude. How fulfilling it is to help others and make a positive difference in this world. Seven years ago I was so caught up in my problems and grief that I could barely function. Today I am free of the chains of addiction. My health is returning and I feel great!
Next month I will be getting certified to help others who want to get sober. I am going to become a Peer Recovery Coach! I have to pinch myself because this seems so unreal to me. It is a dream come true. I am curse breaker at last! I know my family is proud of me. For once, I am proud of myself. I owe it to Jesus for giving me the strength to endure. For His unconditional love and mercy.
He can help you too, but you must initiate it. I encourage anyone thinking of getting sober to investigate their beliefs. I resisted my spirituality for much too long. I was angry with God. I blamed Him for everything wrong in this world. I now realize that we are truly living in Satan’s world. God loves me and keeps me safe. He loves you too. He is there for us when others fail. He will be the one waiting for you when you're ready. He’s waiting there for you with open arms.
Candles For Mental Health
I recently started my Emp-A-Tea Calming Candle making business. It was quite by accident actually. I enjoy the art of candle making – preparing the containers, melting the wax, adding the fragrance at the exact temperature, pouring the wax, and waiting for it to set. There's a science to it I have discovered. Certain waxes need to reach a certain temperature to set properly and to take on the fragrance without dissolving it by overheating. Who knew? I am learning to enjoy the whole process. It’s a vibe.
My husband, and biggest supporter, created a space in our basement for my candle making workshop. He made shelves from cedar lumber harvested from our property. As an extra special touch he lined the shelves with floral toile contact paper to boot! He spoils me all the time. I appreciate all that he does for me and take time to thank him.
Before I begin, I turn on my speaker and connect music from my latest playlist. Music soothes my soul and gets my creative juices flowing. Next I fill my wax warmer and start to prepare the jars. I secure a wick in the middle of each jar. I add a warning label, required by law, to the bottom of each jar. People need reminders not to leave candles burning unattended I guess. I don't want to break any laws with my little hobby. I scan my collection of fragrances and choose one that suits my mood for the day. Next, I reflect on what I want to say in my naming of the candles. Scents like Dare to Dream, Believe in Yourself, or my favorite Curse Breaker are my inspiration for these candles. I love coming up with names to inspire those who could use a lift. It is so much fun coming up with new scent ideas and fragrance blends.
While I was making these candles, I kept feeling “Be The Light” and that was how Emp-A-Tea Calming candles came to be. That message inspired me to make candles for others and spread the joy I now feel today by “being the light” to them. These aren’t just a way for me to have some extra income. These candles are a labor of love. It is my hope that these candles will help inspire people to work on healing themselves to become their best versions possible. That when someone shares my candles with others that it will open their hearts and promote happiness.
Candlemaking gives me time to focus on the candles and to stay out of my head. My mental health has improved and I am proud of the beautiful candles that I have created. It’s a win win! Struggles with mental health are nothing to be ashamed of. Spreading awareness is important to help others navigate their mental health needs. Maybe we can connect over candles? I think that would be wonderful. That’s a world I want to be part of! No more division, but one of unity.
What brings you joy? How do you unwind after a busy week? Do you have a special hobby or talent? Share your story with others who also want unity! Namaste.
Select Your Calming Candle
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Almost Missed an Opportunity
This Mother’s Day I received a very special gift. That was the gift of an opportunity! While enjoying my morning coffee out of the back porch, my adult son came out to wish me a Happy Mother’s Day. Jake is Autistic and struggles with communication. Our relationship dynamic has had its ups and downs over the years. Lately, I have admittedly been avoiding Jake, due to some triggering behaviors. It was nice to have his recognition on this particular day. Jake asked what I was doing outside and I told him I was bird watching.
I pointed out some goldfinches off in the distance and asked Jake if he could see them. Then I pointed out the Orioles and Grosbeaks. He said they were cool, then added that he hated woodpeckers! What?! Why?! I was very surprised by his comment and inquired why he hated woodpeckers? He remembered that one year when he was a child and some woodpeckers removed many knots in our cedar-sided house and that Dad had to spend a weekend repairing the holes. Here was my opportunity to share my different perspective of nature and birds with my son. And maybe he would understand the magic of Donnie, the Red Bellied Woodpecker!
I explained that the woodpeckers weren’t trying to destroy our house, but they were just doing what birds do naturally. The wood on our house is like the trees in the woods to the woodpeckers. They removed the knots to see if it was a good place to build a home. I explained that God made them with strong beaks for just such a reason.
Jake is a visual learner. I wished that Donnie would have made an appearance while Jake was there so he could witness Donnie’s presence. I told Jake how Donnie was like a guardian angel sent to protect the other birds from the menacing blue jays. I told him how God assigns angels to protect us from harm too. Jake just smiled and went back in the house. I have never pushed my spiritual beliefs onto my boys. I figured that when the time is right we will have that discussion. Today I planted the seed.
Next Bryon came out to the porch to tell me he was leaving to go visit his mother for Mother’s Day. I was about to get out of the hot tub when I noticed some movement in the trees. Could it be? Yup, Donnie was here! I told Bryon Donnie was right behind him. He turned slowly and saw Donnie intently studying him. Bryon observed Donnie’s powerful presence and he commented about it as well. He joked about capturing Donnie. I told him that you can’t capture what he represents. He is bird royalty! Pure, natural, spiritual presence! Something that everyone should strive to become! Donnie doesn’t need to prove anything to anyone. He has mastered the art of “Just Being.” Donnie is my reminder to believe in myself. That is my wish for all who are reading this. In our busy, hectic lives, we should remember to slow down and notice the simple pleasures in each day! Give yourself credit for how far you have come! Always be ready for opportunities to share meaningful insights with others!
How did you learn to accept yourself? What helps you to love your life? Drop me a note in the comments.
Namaste.
Adventures With A Woodpecker Named Donnie
I begin my mornings on the back porch in my hot tub. It’s part of my morning ritual of reflection and gratitude. I recently started feeding the birds. I put out suet, hummingbird, and birdseed feeders. I enjoy watching the interactions between the different species of birds in my yard.
The empath in me eagerly watches each of their different personalities shine through. As a person who struggles with mental illness, I have been trying to find the balance in my life. I am trying to “Just Be.” This is not an easy thing for my overthinking brain to achieve. I live in a hypervigilant state at all times. This is the result of childhood trauma and other things I have experienced over my lifetime. My jaw is always clenched, neck and shoulder are tight and I deal with chronic exhaustion that never goes away. Serenity is worth more to me than money. Watching the birds is very calming for me.
Every bird that visits is unique in its own way, but there’s one who has captured my heart more so than the others. Enter Donnie. Donnie is a Red Bellied Woodpecker. His bright red head obviously caught my attention, but his presence drew me in unlike any other bird. Donnie has a shy curiosity about him. When he is at the suet feeder he slyly peers around the post almost to check and see if notice him. While he’s eating he caws at me as if to say thanks. I caw back in an attempt to connect. It’s almost as if he’s saying to me “I see you. I see how hard you’re trying. You are safe, I am always nearby.” He brings me a sense of comfort. He has the respect of the other birds, too. When he announces his arrival it’s almost as if they clear space for him to eat. I quietly questioned if what I was witnessing was actually happening. My interactions with Donnie seemed to have a greater, more spiritual meaning for me. I wondered if I was reading too much into it, I mean he’s just a bird right? To me, Donnie is a powerful reminder of God’s beautiful creations and protection.
This morning I witnessed the Sparrows, Juncos, Thrushes, and Grosbeaks enjoying their breakfast. Peaceful chirps of happiness, no worries from them. I envied their ability to “Just Be.” Suddenly a group of noisy Grackles arrived. I compare them to a group of noisy teenagers showing up to disrupt the tranquility in the yard. Yet even when they are around, they are respectful of Donnie.
Off in the distance I heard a Blue Jay. I don’t see them often, but their screeching is unmistakable. I recently learned that Blue Jays will eat baby birds. [Yuck, they are the Epsteins of the bird world!] The Blue Jay arrived at the feeder. Within seconds Donnie swooped in and chased off the intruder. I couldn’t believe it! Donnie was protecting his little community, or at least that was how it appeared to me. I was reminded that even though I couldn’t see Donnie before this, he was keeping watch on the community. Much like how Jesus watches over us. He’s always close by. This was my spiritual reminder for today!
I have been striving to understand the reason for living. Surely it’s not just to work and pay taxes, or to acquire things. When God created the world he thought of everything. Everything has a purpose. Everything is vibration and energy that is constantly changing. This world is what we make of it. It can be beautiful and abundant or it can be Hell on Earth. I choose to make this life one that is filled with love and purpose.
I am grateful to my talented husband for building me this beautiful sanctuary. A place for all of God’s creatures to be safe and loved. I am grateful to God for guardian angels like Donnie. Today I am getting better at letting go of things that no longer serve me. I am embracing my ability to “Just Be” – one day at a time.
How do you decompress from life’s stressful times? What is something that you are grateful for today? Drop me a note in the comments.
Namaste.
This One Is Personal
I’m having a day. It’s not been the best day. Things don’t appear to be going as I want them to. I started to unravel a bit. I began to slip down the ”why me” rabbit hole. Then I realized it and slammed on my inner brakes. Nope I’m not going there today. That isn’t the direction I want to go. I had to reach deep within and remember who I am today.
Monday I was rear ended with an elderly client in my car. In a split second my life was compromised. My heart went through a battery of emotions. Fear, anger, and worry flooded my mind after the impact from the crash. At first I didn’t know what had just happened. Next was my immediate concern for my client’s welfare, and then finally assessing the damage both to the car and us. I am getting frustrated with the insurance process and eager to return to work. Here it is, four days later and I have nothing but gratitude to God for sparing me once again. Bruised and sore we walked away from a high impact collision. I felt like I had been spared again.
Today's challenge came from a call from my son’s manager. He has been slacking off at work again and his employer is desperately trying not to fire him. He has been sent home early for his bad attitude several times already. I promised her that I would speak to his case manager to see about getting someone to watch over him at work until he gets his head back in the game. They have made a colossal effort in tolerating Jake's behavior.
Jake has Autism and Oppositional Defiant Disorder. I knew nothing about either of these things prior to Jake's diagnosis. I am having to figure things out with Jake as he gets older and more defiant in his ways. As an empath I have attempted to appeal to Jake on an emotional level to no avail. My struggles with mental health are triggered by his behavior. Through therapy I have tried to manage how I react to him. Due to my own childhood trauma I am deeply aware that my reactions will have profound effects on Jake and I do my best to remain calm and choose my words carefully. I try to help him to understand the error of his ways without inflicting more harm during the interaction. However, once I’m triggered it becomes incredibly difficult to be kind. I feel like a horrible person for losing my cool. Frustrated by a 6 ft 1 inch, 26-year-old man-child with the IQ of a seven year old. Jake thinks he knows “everything” and refuses to listen to anyone other than his fantasy friends in Playstation World. The same friends who have convinced him to get fired so they can play more games together. I told him he was getting really bad advice from complete strangers that he has never met and that they were not acting in his best interest. He thinks I’m clueless and just like to nag like all mothers in his eyes.
I am sharing this story because I know I am not alone in this. When Jake was first diagnosed 25 years ago the ratio of children with autism was 1:168. Today it is a shocking 1:38. Our schools are full of children like Jake. Once out of the school system we are left to find appropriate places for them. Newsflash: all of these places have intensive waitlists! Over 300 people like Jake need help and a safe place to live. While many kids Jake's age are graduating from college, getting married, or following career goals, Jake prefers to just live in his room and play video games until eternity. I need to accept Jake as he is, but I can’t. All I see is a scared child who doesn’t see the potential that Jake has to offer. I understand this because I was a scared child once too. I didn’t have people supporting me throughout my life. I didn’t have parents who encouraged and supported me like I do for my son. Why can’t he understand I just want what's best for him? I see someone I can no longer relate to. Someone who I am really beginning to resent and it terrifies me. This isn’t about controlling Jake but trying to get him ready for the next transition in his life.
Jake and I talked about things. I think he heard what I said. I have thought this before though. He seemed to understand the error of his ways and has agreed to make a better effort at work. We will see if he actually follows through this time and does what he has promised. I pray that he understands the importance of keeping his word.
There are no good solutions for this situation. The group homes are not ideal for Jake. The independent living apartments for people like Jake have three-year wait lists. Jake is turning 27 next week, but he is still very naive and childlike. We are trying our best to give him the most independent life possible and yet still be able to help him make the right choices in life and to be safe. It’s a tricky balance and I know there is a reason for everything.
God gifted us with Jake because He knew we would love him no matter what. I have always been deeply invested in all our children. It was my dream in life to become a mother. I promised God I would be the best mother ever. I would give my children all the love my parents couldn’t give me. In true Dani form I gave them everything. All my love, time, effort, and patience that I could muster. When we suspected that something was different with Jake I got him into every specialist available until we figured it out. I allowed therapists to come to my home for 40 hours a week of intense therapy to give him the best shot at living a normal life. I followed the doctor's advice and medicated him to help him to focus. All he focused on was these damn video games and online gaming communities. I have a son who’s addicted to gaming. We both have addictive personalities. For years I admittedly used alcohol as my coping mechanism with these types of struggles. That is no longer an option for me. I don't encourage anyone to rely on alcohol for relief of their problems. (That’s a story for another time.)
These days I surrender my problems to God. Days of overwhelm and exhaustion have proven it to be the best remedy for times like these. I am so grateful for my spiritual awakening. God is my comfort. Amor Fati. I am grateful for it all. The good, the bad, and everything in between. I know God will make a way for us. I smile even through the storm because he has given me strength and perseverance. I will never give up on Jake. I will make a way with God at my side.
How do you deal with struggles? What gives you purpose? I would love to hear from you. Do you have any ideas on how we can change things for others like Jake? I would love to brainstorm with other people in similar situations. Send me your thoughts and ideas.
Namaste.
Grateful for My Guardian Angels
Much like a cat with nine lives, I too have experienced several brushes with death. Yesterday was another reminder of just how quickly things can and do change. While out with a client I was rear ended by an inattentive driver. Our beautiful outing quickly turned into an emergency situation. When the car was struck, the airbags deployed leaving both of us with injuries but alive and able to function. Everything happened in the blink of an eye. I sustained some hearing loss from the explosion of the air bags. I will be following up with audiology to see if it is permanent. My left arm is swollen and bruised. I am stiff and sore but that was to be expected. My car worked as it was designed and protected me from serious injury. I am grateful that it wasn’t worse. I am sure everything will work out as it should. It’s just a hassle to find a new vehicle, but I am grateful that I will be getting a replacement very soon. Once again, I have walked away from what could have been my end.
God has protected me even when I felt unworthy. God's love for us is never ending. He is always by my side. “No weapon formed against me shall prosper. In Jesus name. Amen.” A very powerful prayer. I smiled today as I uttered “Not today Satan!” Feeling as if I just deflected another spiritual attack from demons.
As I learn more things from the Bible, I realize that days like yesterday prove how determined these demons are to kill those who are strong believers in Christ. I am divinely protected by God’s love. I finally understand how powerful my faith has become over the past few years. I do not live with fear. I surrendered my life to God and am finally free from worries that plagued me for most of my life. I have an inner peace that doesn’t waver. That is what it means to be loved by Jesus Christ.
I’m sure there will be more challenges ahead for me, but I will get through them. I am closing in on six years of sobriety in August. It is hard to believe it happened as a result of exploring my relationship with God. I see how these trials in life have helped me to build resilience. I know He’s been with me through it all. I see the miracles He’s made possible for me. The reversal of health issues, my recovery from alcoholism, the protection from things seen and unseen, and finally having peace and serenity in my life. I am most grateful for His grace and mercy even though I am an imperfect creature.
Six years ago I was at my lowest and wanting to end my life. Jesus restored my strength and gave me hope. I love who I am becoming with every passing day. He showed me my purpose in life. Now I can return the favor by spreading his word and helping people in my community! Life has never been better, even while a little bruised and battered, I am happy to be here today!
Have you had any close calls in your life? Do you have faith? How do you cope with challenges? Drop me a note and share your story. Namaste!
Creating Boundaries
Last week while my husband and I were out working in the yard, Bryon asked if I would like to have some edging put around my new herbal garden. I quickly responded with an eager “Yes!” After planting this herbal garden a few weeks prior I noticed how quickly the grass was moving in trying to reclaim its former spot. We needed some kind of barrier to keep the grass out of the herbal bed. Bryon wasted no time getting the materials he needed like the edging material, a spade, and a hoe and began the installation. I busied myself by playing with the new puppy and weeding a nearby bed.
As he tried to install the edging I noticed it wasn’t going to be an easy undertaking. I could hear him struggling and swearing from the instant he started the project. We live in a river valley and our yard is mainly sand. You would think it would be simple to just push the edging into the sand, but that isn’t how it went. The edging consisted of a thick black plastic material about 5 inches wide that needed to be buried around the bed. The herbs were already planted in a bed around the base of a tree in our yard. As Bryon tried to “plant” the edging he ran into problems due to roots from the huge tree. He had to get an axe and actually cut through the roots so he could bury the edging strip. What should have been a relatively simple task became a laborious undertaking and it took him all afternoon to get it done. I am grateful for his determination! It turned out beautiful and the landscaping edging will help keep my herbal garden weed free.
Establishing boundaries is rarely an easy thing to do. I know because after getting sober I had to establish some boundaries of my own. I had to let people know that it was necessary for me to implement these boundaries to maintain my sobriety. I wanted everyone to understand that I had allowed them to treat me certain ways because I feared rejection. I previously tolerated things that now I no longer will. It was a matter of learning to love myself and standing my ground.
During my recovery I had to learn to advocate for myself. I had to learn to love myself. That might come easy for others but it has been a lifelong challenge for me. As a highly sensitive person (HSP) I would take what people would say to me to heart. Playful teasing or taunting me would send me into a self sabotaging inner tirade. My inner self dialogue has always been worse than anything anyone could ever inflict on me. I always felt unworthy, fat, and unlovable, but now I am able to give myself grace thanks to my relationship with God. I no longer believe that old dialogue.
While I never had any problem advocating for others, I struggled doing it for myself. I never felt worthy of better treatment from others until recently when I started to establish my own boundaries. Like Bryon and the edging it wasn’t an easy thing to implement. Like the roots, I ran into some resistance from my friends and family. A few arguments resulted when I actually insisted that they respect my new boundaries. It would have been easier at times to just go back to the way things were, to the familiar, but this time I vowed would be my last chance at sobriety. My life depended on it and so did my family. I had to stand my ground.
I read a quote from Brene Brown “Daring to set boundaries is about courage to love ourselves even when we risk disappointing others.” That was life altering for me. Most of my life I developed codependent relationships with others due to my own internal insecurities. I desperately wanted others to like me. I was forever masking my authentic self because I feared no one could possibly like me for just me. I hated myself. I expected that if others knew the real me that they would hate me too. However, during this masking process, I had actually forgotten who I was or wanted to be. I understand now that boundaries are actually a sign of self respect. Establishing boundaries is also an exceptional way to learn who your friends are and who are actually imposters or simply using you for something.
I wish I had learned this valuable lesson earlier in my life. During my recovery from alcoholism and other health issues many of my friends disappeared. The loneliness felt overwhelming. The despair and anguish was unbearable at times. Why was I so unlovable that everyone was too busy to pick up the phone and check on me? Did anyone ever give a shit about me at all?
It was a painful wake up call for my soul. I realized that I held space for these people that would never be reciprocated. It was a bitter pill for me to swallow, but I managed. I decided to change my environment. I needed a new tribe. I surrendered my worries to God and prayed for new friends. It took some time, but my answered prayer has brought about a new group of friends who accept and support me for being me. that I am better fit for. A group of friends who empower one another. People who are in it for the long haul. God also gave me the ability to just be myself and revealed to me that I am enough as I am.
With practice setting boundaries gets easier. Once you develop a belief in yourself you will have no problem with boundaries. Those who disrespect your boundaries do not gain access to the new and improved version of yourself. Plain and simple. Life is way too short.
Prayers for discernment may actually help you to attract authentic people into your world and to help keep out phony friends. You will attract people with morals and integrity instead of people with their own agenda. It will feel right when you encounter the right friends.
My life is better today than I’d ever imagined possible. I give the glory to God for giving me the courage to become the person I am today. I used to fear that people would run when I established my boundaries but actually it cleared the way for a new and more fulfilling relationship with the right people.
I no longer fear being old alone for God has proved to me once again that He is with me always. I shall not fear. While boundaries are imperative for us here on earth God’s love for us has no boundaries. He thought of everything including the ability to set boundaries to protect ourselves from harm from others.
Do you have boundaries? Are there limits to what you can take from others or does it just roll off your back? What boundaries do you have the most trouble implementing?
Add a comment below to share your ideas for the best way that you set boundaries. For those of you standing with your boundaries I applaud you. While it’s not easy, it must be done.
Namaste.