Tomorrow my husband and I will celebrate 30 years of marriage. When I think back to that day, I am filled with pride. Bryon and I were together for over 3 years when I got pregnant. He proposed while we were fishing on the Chippewa Flowage. I was 8 months pregnant. The following weekend our friends had planned a couples baby shower. We returned home and contacted a local justice of the peace to marry us at the baby shower. In four days we pulled off a lovely wedding ceremony on our friends flagstone patio, overlooking a lush valley below. Another friend flew his plane over the event and dumped confetti on us below. It was perfect, but noticeably absent was my family.
I was very emotional at 8 months pregnant and cried during the entire ceremony.The justice of the peace provided the music complete with The Rose by Bette Midler, on his boom box.When the music started so did the tears. My tears did not go unnoticed either. My mother in law approached me afterward saying that if I was so upset by the wedding, that I shouldn’t have gone through with it. She failed to understand that while this was a beautiful wedding, it wasn’t what I had dreamed about for my entire life. While I loved Bryon deeply, I carried a secret sadness about this last minute ceremony. My dream wedding, complete with wedding dress and dad giving me away was not meant to be. My parents refused to attend. I offered to pay for their flight, but they still declined.
My heart shattered. My mother felt that Bryon, as a mechanic, wasn't up to her high standards that she held for me. She was more interested in his bank account, than in him as a person. I married him for love and not for money. I made the right decision and I knew it back then. Many years later she got to know him and fell in love with who he is as a person.I got my validation when she told me prior to her death that he was a real gem and she was wrong about him. I no longer needed or cared what she thought but it was good to hear.
In these past thirty years, we have dealt with numerous struggles and changes. We have dealt with the struggles of raising a child with special needs. I have dealt with mental health and addiction struggles. I have overcome serious health issues while Bryon dutifully stayed by my side. I survived a cardiac arrest thanks to his quick action when he found me dead on the bathroom floor. We have grieved the loss of many people that we loved dearly due to death or other reasons. We have grieved the plans we had for our future and our family because of things beyond our control. We have supported each other through various stages of life. Through it all we remained committed to the vows taken 30 years ago.
Now we enter a new stage and we are contemplating what comes next for us. Do we still remain committed to each other today after enduring everything?
I want to believe that we will be together forever, but life throws us curve balls that make us question our beliefs. I realize it’s easy to become complacent when in a long-term relationship. I want us to rediscover each other while we experience our next chapter. I want us to have an adventurous yet satisfying life.
I feel like I am just beginning to live the life of my dreams. I need to play this through and see where it leads. I would love to have him by my side, but only if it’s what he truly wants to be a part of it.
I realize that marriage takes two people to make it work. I am not the same person that Bryon married 30 years ago. I am completely different. I worked VERY hard to change and become who I am today. I finally am beginning to love and believe in myself. Bryon hasn’t changed. In fact, Bryon is generally resistant to change. He is proud that he doesn’t have a cell phone and sees no reason to change.
This is not the fairy tale marriage that I imagined it would be. I guess I saw too many Disney movies as a kid. I always believed that love could conquer all. Truthfully it is a work in progress to adapt to our new reality of the new version of me.
Today I am a strong, ambitious woman who wants to bring about change in mental health and addiction treatment. Bryon is a stable, reliable, hard worker who’s ready to step into retirement. Two people who are growing in different directions after 30 years together. Not what you were expecting, is it? And this was not what we expected either.
As we enter this next chapter we must figure out where to go from here. It will include having some tough conversations. Sharing our vulnerabilities and brutal honesty from one another. We have survived things that would have ended other marriages. We both love one another deeply. We have built a strong foundation to pull from. I believe God brought us together for a reason and not just a season.
My faith leads me to believe that things will work out as they should. I thank God for these 30 years. Bryon is my hero. He is the reason I am still here today. I thank my husband for his patience, loyalty and everything he has done for our family. I am proud to be Mrs. Ehlert and excited to see what the next 30 years will bring. I am ready for our next chapter however it plays out.
What are your tips for a successful relationship? How do you deal with change? Drop me a line, I would love to hear your perspective. Namaste.
Reached Another Milestone
