Make Today THE Day

I awoke this morning filled with pain and rage. Not the way I like to begin my days. I fell yesterday while working and my body is stiff and sore. Pain triggers anger in me. I guess it’s my body trying to protect me somehow. The pain quickly turned to overwhelm and frustration as I tried to get dressed in layers just to take the dogs out. Between the actual pain and being over tired it felt like an unsurmountable task. It seems like I just keep getting over one thing only to have something else try to take me down. This may seem silly to you, but this is my life every day with mental illness.

This morning I was doing my best to get out of my head, because If I am not careful I can quickly spiral down the rabbit hole of negativity. My brain literally tries to take me out of this world everyday. I realize that these are only negative thoughts and they do not have to control my actions. Experience has taught me though that it’s time for some much needed self care.

I am on a quest for balance in my life. As a caregiver, I get too involved in the struggles of the people I care for. I am conscious of giving the things I can’t change to God. I routinely meditate and pray for relief from their problems. The serenity prayer is my daily reminder to do what I can and give the rest to God.

While meditating in the hot tub this morning, I got a message “Make Today The Day.” I pondered the exact meaning of the message. Make the day for self care; for nurturing your inner child. Make today the “someday” that never comes. Tend to your wounded inner child. Nurture yourself and discover serenity. Yes, this would be my day!

Today I’m doing whatever brings me peace. As I was soaking in the hot tub I could feel the tension release from my body. I became one with the water and felt like I was able to just go with the flow. As I exited the hot tub I felt my anger and pain lessen. I knew I was on the right track. I have been neglecting myself. Today I promised to pamper myself and get some much needed rest.

Burnout is common with caregiving. I try to do too much and often I have a hard time saying “No” when I should. I’m a work in progress as I am now aware of my people pleasing past and how that often left me resentful and bitter. I am making progress in that area, but I have a way to go. I know I am ultimately responsible for how I feel and I noticed my need for rest at this time.

After having my mushroom coffee, I took Jake to work and was enjoying having the house to myself. I planned on doing some painting, baking cookies and bread, making a pot of healthy vegetable soup and possibly even reading one of the books I recently acquired. I promised the dogs we could get a walk in the woods sometime today as well. Being out in nature is very grounding to me. Just thinking about it makes me feel calmer already. Finally after getting my appointments completed I will end my day with a relaxing epsom salt bath. Topping it off with my Bellame Lemon sugar scrub with Baobab oil to soften and moisturize my skin. Maybe even truly indulge myself with their clay facial mask. I love having luxurious soft and healthy skin these days. A special treat just for me!

Tomorrow I will be horseback riding with my friend Aimee! Grateful for the beautiful weather we are having right now. I really enjoy our new friendship! I never thought I would be able to ride again. Degenerative disk disease sucks, but doesn’t have to be the end of my fun! With all the exercise and supplements I do, I feel like a whole new person. It takes discipline on my part to keep pushing forward and challenge myself to do the things I have always wanted. For too long I believed I could no longer do the things I enjoyed. I convinced myself that my best days were behind me. I am here to tell you that it wasn’t the case. I have more energy most days than I have ever had before. I am also very mindful to not go back into victim mode in times of struggle, like this morning. Through nurturing and listening to our inner guides we can become the best versions of ourselves. Living a life of purpose has changed my way of thinking. It’s restored my hope. While I struggle at times, I know my struggles won’t last forever. I am grateful for each day and give glory to God for helping me to heal.

How do you deal with bad days? What brings you joy? Drop me a note in the comments. I’d love to hear your story. Namaste.