I remember saying Thank God It’s Friday only to begin my weekend of partying and self destruction. The truth be told, I never waited for Fridays. It was my everyday life with alcohol addiction. How sad it was to live for something that was slowly killing me. Living for the next drink, only to do it again and again and get sicker with each passing day. I was being monitored for a mass in my liver. Thankfully the mass has disappeared miraculously and I am now discharged from hepatology.
One drink was too many, yet 100 was never enough. Crazy, cunning, and baffling that is alcohol addiction. It took the life of my sister and an aunt, both in their forties. I managed to convince myself that it wouldn’t happen to me, but I was damn close to death on several occasions. Two pancreatitis attacks and the last time the doctors urged me to call my children to the hospital to say my goodbyes. I told them “NO” and promised that I would be quitting immediately. I wanted to spare my children the pain of watching me die.
That was well over 6 years ago. Instead of TGIF, today I thanked God for second chances! As I was enjoying my mushroom coffee watching the sunrise in my hottub, I reflected on my past briefly. I am thankful for the lessons. I gained wisdom during my recovery. Wisdom granted me permission to forgive myself. Now I am remembering to give myself grace these days as I try to find balance while I learn to love myself the way I have always needed to. Instead of living in fear of everything, I live fully in the present. I take time to notice the little details in my everyday life. I also take time to check in with myself to see how I am doing throughout the day. I create time for meditation and self reflection to maintain my sobriety and mental health.
I love my life today. I am stepping into the woman I was always meant to be. I know I have many faults, but I am a work in progress. That is good enough for me! I enjoy my job of helping people and am embracing learning new and challenging things. No fear, but fierce determination. I realize each day is a gift and I treat it with gratitude. My time is spent with those that I love. I have nothing to prove to anyone else, but myself. Believe me when I say I am my harshest critic, but I know it holds me accountable so I can continue to grow and help others. Win Win!
How has your life changed over the years? What are your proudest moments? Send me a comment. I would love to hear your story! Namaste!